Our birth story

Two weeks ago at my 38 weeks doctor's appointment, the midwife thought the baby could come any time.  I was 2 cm dilated and 60-70% effaced and she said that we could possibly have a thanksgiving baby.  Well, thanksgiving came and went, and even though I had been having contractions nothing was regular.  So I made it to my next doctor's appointment this past week (39 weeks along).  On Tuesday morning I went in to meet with the midwife and she thought for sure I would could have the baby that day.  I was close to 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced.  I told her that I'd been having lots of contractions but that whenever I changed activities or positions they would fade away.  She asked if I wanted her to "stir things up" when she checked me to help get things going and I said sure.  She also said I could try eating some pineapple, maybe get another prenatal massage, try acupuncture, and if I wanted to I could try taking castor oil if things didn't start progressing. She knew that I was concerned about going past my due date and having to be induced.  She gave me a copy of chart just in case I went to the hospital because she said it would help speed up the process in the event that I did go into labor.

When I got home from my appointment I decided to try to walk to get things going.  I took Cooper for a good long walk and was having contractions 1-2 minutes apart during our walk. But as soon as we got home and I laid down on the couch, the contractions went back to being 5-10 minutes apart.  My contractions definitely felt different than the ones I had been experiencing the past few weeks. They were much more painful, but still not to the point where I couldn't walk or talk.  I was frustrated with this on and off contractions nonsense, so I decided to try some of the midwife's other recommendations.  I went to Publix and bought some fresh pineapple (lucky for me it was on sale!) and I also stopped by CVS and picked up a bottle of castor oil.  I ate pretty much the entire pineapple, but was hesitant to try to castor oil because I knew that it would give me diarrhea and probably wouldn't taste so great either.  Around 4pm I decided to try the castor oil anyway.  The midwife had recommended blending it with 2 scoops of ice cream and some milk to make it a little less disgusting.  I did that, and drank most of it, but it was awful!  Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. 

Around 6pm on Tuesday night I began having contractions about 2-3 minutes apart pretty regularly.  Michael had a hair cut appointment across town and I went with him, all the while still having contractions.  We went to dinner afterwards because I felt like as soon as we got home and laid down my contractions would fade away like they had earlier.  Once we got home, the castor oil's laxative effect kicked in and I literally lost 5 pounds- gross!  I didn't have any other real changes so I decided I'd just go to sleep and see what happened.  After about 2 hours of sleep, I woke up at midnight to a small gush of fluid and I immediately thought "hum... I wonder if that was my water breaking". It wasn't much fluid so I thought maybe it was just discharge, but I couldn't be sure.  I texted the midwife telling her what was going on and that we might head to the hospital if things kept progressing.  My contractions were 2 minutes apart and pretty painful, so I woke up Michael and told him I thought we should go to the hospital just to be safe. 

We checked into Triage at Winnie Palmer at 1:10a.m. and they checked me and confirmed that I had ruptured my bag of water.  I was 5cm dilated at that point.  They admitted us and I called the midwife to let her know (since I hadn't heard back from my text messages to her I figured she was probably home sleeping like a normal person!).  She said that the nurses from the hospital would probably be calling her soon and then she'd head to the hospital.  She got there a little while later and came to see how we were doing in Triage. The nurses tried to put an IV in my hand (unsuccessfully 3 times!) but I ended up with just a saline lock because I told them I didn't want an IV and that I would just drink plenty of fluids on my own.

At 3:30a.m. we were moved to our labor and delivery room. I explained to the nuurses that i was doing this naturally so not to offer pain meds.  The midwife started the bathtub and told me to get in there and lean over the edge as soon as it was full.  I followed directions and got in the tub.  It felt so good to be in the hot water.  I stayed in the tub for a while (I think I had lost track of time at this point) but then was ready to try something else.  I got out and the nurse checked to see how I was progressing.  I was 7cm and she could feel that my bag of water hadn't fully ruptured and so she called the midwife to come rupture it.  While she was on the phone with the midwife, I had a contraction and my water broke on it's own. That was the most disgusting feeling and I couldn't believe how much fluid came out.  After my water broke things moved very quickly.  My contractions where getting so painful.  I remember thinking "I don't know if I can do this" and praying for God to give me strength to be able to finish this.  I also remember saying to the nurse, "Ok this is way harder than I thought it was going to be".  They all kind of just laughed at me because I was doing such a great job and staying so composed.  I felt the need to start pushing whenever I had a contraction so the midwife had me lay on my side and try pushing. I remember thinking wow I'm really bad at this pushing stuff... this really hurts.  After a while on my side she had me squat at the end of the bed.  That felt better but still wasn't very fun.  We squatted through  five or six contractions and then I got back in bed on my side.  I pushed through a few more contractions and the baby's head began to crown and I began to get frustrated because it wouldn't get out! After some more pushing (and screaming "I can't do it!" on my part) the baby's head was out and the next thing I knew she was laying on my stomach.  Wow... I had never experienced such intense pain in my life!  She was born at 6:11a.m.  As soon as she was out I said to everyone "Ok, I don't think I want to do that again any time soon!".  I had one small tear and received a few stitches while I held the baby for the first time. But I did it with no drugs!!!

 I held her for about 30 minutes before the nurses took her to do all their checks.  She weighed in at 8lbs 3.6oz and 21 inches long.  She had a lot of facial bruising from going through the birth canal facing the wrong way up (or something...) so she was very purple.  Her oxygen levels were fine but when she cried they dropped slightly so they wanted to take her up to the nursery to be monitored for 2 hours to make sure she was ok.  I asked if they would let me go with her and they said no because I needed to recover first.  I was not happy about that and there was no way I was going to be away from my baby for 2 hours when I hadn't even been able to breast feed yet. Michael was able to go with her instead.   The nurse who took over my care after the birth was wonderful and told me that as soon as I could get up and walk and use the bathroom she would take me up to the nursery in a wheel chair.  So I quickly got up (well as quickly as possible after giving birth) and made my way to the bathroom.  She wheeled me upstairs and I was able to hold and breastfeed the baby while they monitored her.  While I was doing that Michael and my mom moved all of our things to our regular hospital room.  Her oxygen levels were fine the entire time she was in the nursery but because of her bruising they wanted to monitor her for another two hours. Michael and I took turns staying in there, alternating because the nurses had to check me and we both needed to eat something.  Finally around 10:30a.m. she was able to come to our room. 

We stayed in the hospital Wednesday night and Thursday night and got discharged to go home on Friday.  Little one's jaundice levels were a little high (nothing high enough to be concerned about) so they sent us home with a bili blanket.  We had to go to the pediatrician the next day to have him check her levels, but he wasn't worried about jaundice at all.  He said she looks great and that the hospital is always way overly cautious about that stuff.  He said for us to use the bili blanket until Monday and then we can send it back to the home health company that it came from.  It is quite a pain to have her hooked up to a machine while trying to learn to breastfeed and bond with her when the cord to the machine only reaches so far. I can't wait to get rid of that thing!! 

Things at home are going well but breastfeeding is a challenge.  I am so incredibly sore! It's fine once she's going but the initial latching on is so painful.  I'm going to see the lactation consultant at our pediatrician's office on Monday just to make sure I'm doing everything right.  I know everyone has told me the first two weeks are hard, but I certainly hope it gets better quickly. 

 

36 weeks

I'm 36 weeks and 3 days along today and getting ready for this little one to make her exit.

I went to the doctor today for my group B strep test and she also checked me to see how things are progressing.  She said that I'm about 1 cm dilated and 40% effaced.  She also told me that I was having a contraction while she was measuring my tummy.  I couldn't tell that I was having a contraction, but she said to feel how hard my stomach was.  It felt the same to me as it always does... it is always hard as a rock.  Apparently I'm having braxton-hicks contractions but I can't really tell.  I guess that's a good thing, but it also makes me nervous that I won't know when the real thing is happening.

At my appointment two weeks ago, my urine test came back a little irregular which made me concerned.  It said that I was dehydrated and that there were ketones in my urine.  Both things seemed odd to me since I had already had most of my water for the day and had been eating like I should be.  My tests have always come back really good, so it was a little weird for that to happen.  I made sure to ask about that at today's appointment.  Every thing was normal with my urine test today.  I guess maybe it was just an off week. 

I also discussed my birth plan with my midwife at my last appointment.  I was kind of nervous that she was going to tell me "Oh no, the hospital won't let you do this or that". It was quite the opposite though. She had me cross many things off my list because she said that they were just standard procedures that I didn't even need to mention.  She also recommended that I put it on a note card and title it "Wish list and Reminders" rather than call it a birth plan because of the stigma that birth plans have in the hospital.  I think I'll be fine as long as she's the one who delivers for me since she knows and understands what we'd like and agrees with it all.  I think I'll take her advice, but also keep a copy of our birth plan in the hospital bag just in case she can't be there.

My midwife had mentioned that she was taking time off to go to California to be with family near my due date, which made me a little nervous that she might not be there to deliver my little one.  Today she told me that her trip was rescheduled and she's leaving tomorrow to go to California instead.  That was a big relief since I don't think anything major will happen in the next week while she's gone. 

Last weekend, Michael's aunt threw a baby shower for us. This one was mostly Michael's family and his mom's friends.  We got our stroller and car seat and lots of clothes.  I think we are pretty well set on clothes for the little one.  We also did our maternity photos last weekend.  I didn't really want to do photos since I feel pretty huge and uncomfortable, but I had many people tell me I would regret it later if I didn't do them.  It's nice to have a best friend whose husband does photography on the side :)

 I definitely have been feeling more uncomfortable lately.  I've been getting tired way more quickly these past few weeks and I find myself having to sit down more frequently during the school day.  My hands also get super achy at night time.  My last day of work is next Friday (and it can't come soon enough!) Being on my feet all day is getting tough and I feel like my patience with the kiddos is also dwindling to next to nothing lately. 

It's hard to believe that my pregnancy only has a few more weeks.  At the beginning it seemed as though it would take forever to get to this point but now I can't believe that it's almost over.  I'm getting very excited to meet the little one and hold her in my arms. 

Update and Baby shower!

Apparently, I've been slacking in keeping my blog up to date, so here's what has been happening lately. 

I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant and more ready than ever for baby girl to hurry up and arrive.

I had my every two weeks check in at the doctor's office last Wednesday with a different doctor this time.  We are trying to follow the rules and make our rotations through the doctors like the midwife said to do.  This time I met with Dr. Nguyen and she was very nice. Granted, I only spent about 5 minutes with her but she seemed nice and friendly.  She told me she gained 50+ pounds during her pregnancy which made me feel better about what I've gained, which is way less than 50 pounds! Baby's heart beat was 156 at my last check up and she was head down.  The doctor said not to bank on that though since it's still pretty early and she's still moving around a lot so she may not stay head down. I was curious how they could tell where she was, but the doctor said she could just feel and tell where the head was located.  After looking at my chart she said that every thing looked great except the fact that I failed my 1 hour glucose test.  That doesn't really matter though since I passed the three hour test- Thank God!

In the past few weeks I've had 3 or 4 people tell me I've "dropped".  It seems like it is still too early for that to happen, but it is kind of odd that so many people have said the same thing.  Whenever people ask when my due date is, they can't believe I still have so long to wait.  I guess when you are short there is no where to go but straight out.  My belly is huge!  It's also getting a little uncomfortable.  I feel like she's bouncing on my bladder whenever I'm standing up, which is all day at school. Sleeping is a challenge as well.  I sleep for about 30 minutes on one side and then turn over to the other side.  I can not wait to be able to sleep on my back again!

Lately I've had mommy-brain like crazy.  I can't remember anything.  I feel like my brain is either way too overloaded with stuff (pregnancy and school related) or it has just stopped working.  I need to make my birth plan, but the thought of it makes me totally overwhelmed. 

This past weekend was my baby shower.  My best friend and my momma did a great job of coordinating everything.  It was pumpkin themed since the fall is my favorite time of the year and I LOVE all things pumpkin! We played lots of silly games and I got tons of baby goodies.  Check out the adorable cloth diaper cake Amanda made for me-

And here is me and my momma (the super excited Grandma-to-be)

Two of my co-workers were also pregnant this year.  One was due at the end of October and the other was due some time in November, and then there's me- due at the beginning of December.  Well both of them have gone into labor early.  The first one went into labor like 3 weeks early and then the one who was due in November had her baby today.  Yikes... now I'm the only one left and apparently the trend is for it to happen early.  Maybe it's from being on our feet all day or maybe it's just the stress level.  Who knows... I'd be very ok with my little one coming early though (although not too early).  I'd love for her to have a November birthday rather than a December birthday.  I'm planning on working until November 16th which would put me at 37 weeks 5 days along.  Let's hope I can make it! 

That's about all that has been going on since my post last month.

Hello third trimester

I had my last monthly appointment with my midwife at the beginning of this month.  I'm still measuring right on target even though you might not think so by looking at me.  The other day Michael and I were at the mall and this woman that didn't know asked when I was due.  I told her that I'm due the first week of December.  She looked at me and said "wow are you having twins?".  No lady, I'm not having twins and thanks for telling me I look huge.  I told her as nicely as I could "No, I'm not having twins and I'm measuring right on target."  Ugh... what is it about being pregnant that makes people think it is ok to say things like that?  As if dealing with all the changes that happen to your body isn't enough, now you have to deal with total strangers telling you how huge you look.  Awesome. 

Here's a picture of my huge self at 27 weeks:

Anyway, my appointment went well but I left feeling a little confused.  My midwife told me that the doctor's office where she works had a meeting recently and they don't want patients just seeing one doctor exclusively any more.  So my midwife said she would introduce me to a few of the other doctors before I left.  This made me worried and I asked, "You're not leaving are you?"  She said that she wasn't but I was still a little confused as to why I would need to see someone other than her the next time I come in.  She introduced me to another doctor in the practice, who I will be seeing at my next visit.  I asked if I'm supposed to see a different doctor every time or if I can still go to her.  She said to just have my next appointment with this other guy and then schedule my following appointment with her.  I have to go in every two weeks now, so I'll be in and out of their office pretty frequently I guess. 

My midwife also took me into her office and explained that she's not super thrilled with how often the doctors in her practice induce their patients. She recommended a few supplements to help prepare my body for labor in hopes that I won't have to be induced.  She recommended Dr. Christopher's Birth Prep, red raspberry leaf tea, 5W Natures Sunshine, and evening primrose oil.  She told me to research each one and then decide which ones I'd like to try and begin taking them around 35 weeks.  I googled all of them and found mixed reviews for all of them.  Some women swear by them and others say they didn't think the supplements really helped.  I don't know... I'll have to ask her more about them before I start taking anything. She also recommended a chiropractor who specializes in the Webster Technique (in case baby is breeched) and cranial-sacral massage for infants.  I still need to do some more research on both of those.

I had my 1 hour glucose tolerance test this past Saturday.  I got the nasty orange liquid down with out any problems and sat around for an hour waiting for my blood test.  My midwife called me today with my results.  She said "The good news is that your iron levels were great.  The bad news is that you have to take the 3 hour glucose test."  She explained that my results were at 153 and anyone over 140 has to take the 3 hour test.  I was so disappointed that I didn't pass the first test.  I know that it is pretty common to fail the first test and then pass the second test, but everything has been so smooth with this pregnancy so far I just assumed that I'd pass the first test with no problem.  Oh well... I scheduled my 3 hour test for next Friday so I'll have that first thing in the morning and then head in to work when I'm done. 

Between work, getting through all these appointments, getting things ready for baby's arrival, and having something almost every night of the week, I've been feeling super overwhelmed and stressed out lately. I feel like there is too much going on for my brain to handle.  I can't remember anything.  I'll walk across the room to do something and forget what it was I was going to do by the time I get to the other side of the room.  I feel like I can never get caught up with everything I need to do at work which is not normal for me... I like to be way ahead of the schedule at work, but I guess it will just take time to get used to the new administration and all the changes that are being made this year. It's just stressing me out!! Only 47 school days left (if I can make it that long)...

That's about it for now.  I'll post again after my next doctor's appointment. Pray that my 3 hour glucose test comes back normal.  :)

Goodbye Summertime and back to work!

I've been slacking in the blogging department, but thankfully all things pregnancy related have been uneventful lately so I wouldn't have much to write about anyway.  Summer vacation has ended and that means I'm back at work (until maternity leave time which is 60 school days from today but who is counting? haha!) and things have been super busy trying to get everything ready for back to school time.

Since my last post the rest of the stuff for the nursery finally arrived.  Pottery Barn Kids finally shipped me the bumper that I should've gotten back in June and now the crib bedding is complete.  I was a little disappointed after putting it all together because I didn't absolutely love it like I thought I would, but after waiting so long and the hassle of getting it here I'm hoping it will grow on me.  I don't hate it by any means, I just don't absolutely love it like I was hoping.  The glider also arrived, but unfortunately the ottoman that went with it was broken in half when I opened the box.  There were footprints on top of the box so I'm guessing that the UPS man probably used my box as a step to reach something else in his truck.  After a phone call to Albeebaby.com to explain my predicament I was told to email them a photo of the broken ottoman along with the product number information.  I really didn't want to have to ship everything back and then wait another few weeks to get a new one shipped in.  Luckily, they told me that all I needed to ship back was the broken ottoman (and I could keep the actual glider).  UPS came to pick it up a few days later and about a week later I had a new, not broken ottoman delivered to my door.  Now all I need to finish up the nursery is a changing pad for the changing table, some decorations for the walls which I have already found on etsy, and Michael needs to paint the dresser that is currently occupying space in our garage.  I'm glad to have all the big stuff done though even though baby won't be here for (hopefully) another 15 weeks.

I had my monthly check in appointment with my midwife a few weeks ago.  She said that I was measuring right on target, which was good to hear since I feel like I'm so huge already.  Baby girl had a good strong heartbeat of 156.  I told her that I had chosen the bradley method classes rather than hiring a doula and she said "Oh the pressures on me then to be there during your labor".  She has only missed two of her patients births during the time she's been practicing.  Let's hope I'm not the third name to get added to that list.  She asked me what pregnancy books I had been reading and I explained that I got halfway through three or four books and then stopped reading them all together because they were making me so paranoid about every little thing.  I figure if something is really wrong, my body will let me know.  I don't need to read a bunch of books that make me freak out about every little thing that happens during pregnancy.  I'd rather just deal with things as they happen than be worried the whole time.  She recommended the book "A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" and I've also had a friend recommend "Hypnobirthing" and "Birthing from Within".  I have them all in my cart on Amazon.com but have yet to order them since I'm not sure when I'll actually get the time to read them.  I was also scheduled for my glucose test at my appointment, which I was happy to be able to schedule on a Saturday morning so I don't have to miss work.  Hopefully that test will go well so I don't have to do the lovely three hour glucose test later.

We start our bradley method classes tomorrow night and I'm interested to see how it goes.  I told Michael that he has to try to take it seriously and not joke around the whole time, but I'm not sure what to expect yet. 

School started on Monday and I've been exhausted the past two days when I get home from school.  Teaching kindergarten is such a challenge because you literally have to teach them everything... how to walk into the classroom, how to sit on the carpet, how to walk in line, how to use the bathroom (apparently my boys think peeing all over the floor is acceptable... I'll be chatting with them about that tomorrow!), how to work together with other students, etc. They don't quite understand that they don't get to play all day and that we actually have work to do so I'm constantly getting asked "When are we going outside?" or "When do we get to play with the toys?" which gets pretty annoying.  On the first day of school, someone asked one of my little girls "Who is your teacher?"  She replied with "I don't know but my mommy said she has a baby in her belly."  They are pretty funny about the whole pregnancy thing.  I hadn't mentioned anything to them about it, but they have told me that I have a baby in my belly and keep asking me if it is going to come out tomorrow.  My former students are very excited for me though... especially the girls since I told them I'm having a little girl.

We still haven't started taking the weekly belly photos and I kind of feel like now it's too late to start.  I know my belly is going to get bigger but we've already missed the past 25 weeks so I kind of feel like what's the point? As long as I get a few photos of my huge preggo belly before baby comes I'll be happy.

That's about all that has been going on lately.  Not much coming up in the next few weeks either.  Hopefully I can get back in the routine of waking up early and working all day before too long.  Hopefully I won't feel so exhausted every day once my students get their routines down as well.

House projects and week 22

While I was on vacation my sweet friends and husband painted two rooms in our house and our garage.  I knew that they were working on the baby's room and the office, but the garage was a something Michael had up his sleeve and didn't let me know.  Painting the walls in the garage was on my list of things to do while not working this summer, but after finding out we were expecting I put that project on hold.  It was nice to come home to everything all freshly painted.  We put together the crib and bookshelf/changing table and we also had a new window installed in the baby's room.  One of the windows had the outside pane busted out since before we moved in so it was nice to finally get that fixed.  It's funny how having a baby can make you get stuff done so quickly! Our little fixer-upper of a house is coming along nicely with only a few projects left (we still need a new roof- next on our list, and we have one more bathroom to redo).

I've been searching high and low for a white glider rocking chair with a cushion in any other color than the green that is available at BabiesRus. Oh sure, there are plenty of cushion colors if you want a dark or light wood finish glider, but apparently the white one only comes with green. I was even willing to buy one on craiglist and then have it reupholstered, but the only things I could find on there were either really old or just plain ugly. I finally found one online from Albeebaby.com that is white with a light pink cushion (not exactly the same color pink that goes with the bedding but it has to be better than the green). Hopefully I'll like it when it gets here since I've never seen it besides on my computer screen.  Why are gliders so expensive?  Sheesh... the one we got was on sale from $350 to $279 but I still feel like that is pretty pricey.

Baby girl must be growing a ton, because my belly is getting huge.  She's been moving like crazy lately... to the point where I can now see my belly move when she kicks me. My belly button is slowly beginning to get more and more shallow and I'm sure it will pop out in a few short weeks. Pregnancy and my body are still getting along pretty nicely.  I never had any major morning sickness (just a few times that I felt a little car sick around week 7) and no other big issues. The only thing I'm not loving is that all these crazy hormones are making my face breakout.  I've been pretty lucky and always had pretty clear skin with just a few pimples here or there before my period each month, but these pregnancy hormones are not getting along too kindly with my face. My mom came over the other day when I was getting ready (before I had on any makeup) and was kind enough to say "Wow, your face looks like your a teenager!".  Thanks mom, that helps with my self esteem!

I signed up for Bradley method birthing classes which start in the middle of August. It was a little more expensive than I was thinking it would be (I guess I thought it would be roughly the same price as the lamaze classes offered through the hospital but apparently I was way off). My midwife had recommended hiring a doula, but I couldn't justify spending $500 on a doula and then another $400 on bradley method classes so I had to choose one or the other.  After talking with a mommy friend, she reassured me that I should be fine with just the bradley method classes. I'm sure Michael is super excited about 12 weeks of birthing classes :)

My next appointment is next week for just a normal monthly check up. I'm hoping that I can get my glucose screening appointment done before I head back to school but I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'm getting nervous about going back to school, more nervous than normal after finding out we will have a new principal this year.  I keep having dreams that I can't remember my students' names or that I take them to lunch and forget to pick them back up. I'm hoping to work until thanksgiving break which would put me at 38 weeks pregnant, but I guess we'll have to see how things go. This is getting a little lengthy so that's enough for now :)

Week 19

I had an appointment with my midwife on Wednesday to go over the rest of my blood test results and have my monthly check up.  Everything came back normal on my blood tests for which I'm thankful.  She said I was measuring right on track.  I asked her if she had a preference between the Bradley Method and Lamaze classes since I'm trying to decide what childbirth classes I want to take.  She said that she didn't really have a preferred method, but that you can get good things from all of them.  Then she said "What I'd really recommend is hiring a doula that way if I'm unable to be there or if I have to be in and out during your labor, she can help you."  She also recommended hypnobirthing (I told that to Michael and his response was "Oh gosh, they are going to hypnotize you?" lol).  She gave me a few phone numbers for doulas that she recommends and told me to check them out.

On Thursday I went back for my anatomy ultrasound appointment.  Little girl decided to be nice and still for the ultrasound tech, unlike my gender appointment where she was bouncing all over the place! The ultrasound tech confirmed that it is for sure a girl (I was worried that she was going to tell me it was a boy and then I'd have to take back the nursery stuff! Thankfully that didn't happen!).  She measured her arms, legs, abdomen, chambers of the heart, brain, skull, and other things that I don't remember.  She said that baby girl is measuring right where she should be at this point and that she weighs about 10 ounces.

Here's the little one:

I'm still waiting on the correct item to come from Pottery Barn Kids to complete the nursery bedding.  Everyday I was anxiously waiting for the UPS man to bring me a package and he visited both of my neighbors closest to our house, but never brought me anything.  I finally got fed up and called customer service again.  Of course I couldn't get a hold of the guy I had spoken with before, so I had to explain the whole situation to a new lady and walk her through their website to show her how the mistake was made (they have two different sets listed for the same item number in two different locations).  First she was like, "Oh well you just need to send back the quilt and we'll send you the bumper that you were supposed to get".  I had to explain to her that they were supposed to send me the bumper for free and that I get to keep the quilt since it was an error on their part.  After waiting on hold for a few minutes she came back and said that I was correct, that a supervisor had already looked at this order issue, and then told me that the bumper is on back order until August 1st which is why I haven't received it yet. Oh man, that's not good! I need that bumper to pick a paint color so Michael can paint while I'm out of town next week.  The bumper is the only thing with the paisley pattern.  I asked her if they had a fabric swatch or something in that pattern that they could send me.  She said that they didn't, but to try one of the local stores to see if maybe they have a fabric swatch.  I called the local store but of course they don't have it because it is a catalog and internet only item.  So I guess I'm going to just pick a color and hope that it works.  If you know me and know what a perfectionist I am, then you can understand how nervous this makes me.  Michael was sweet about it and said "It's fine... if it doesn't match, I can just repaint the room again." Hopefully he won't have to do that.

I leave for my annual week at the beach with all the girls in the family tomorrow morning.  Things around the house are almost ready for the painting party while I'm gone.  Our sweet friends in our bible study offered to come over on Tuesday night and help paint rather than doing our normal study this week.  The guest room is mostly ready- I've taped off the baseboards, taken down the blinds, taped the windows, and covered the floor.  My goal for today is to finish the office, although I won't be able to do everything since I'm not allowed to move the furniture out I'm just going to have to work around it.  Our poor doggie, Cooper, is probably wondering what in the world is going on in our house lately.

I know that I'm going to face some resistance from my family when I explain that I want to use cloth diapers.  My mom has already told me that I'm crazy and that it will probably last for two weeks before I start using pampers instead.  Yesterday, I bought a cloth diaper like the ones I will be using so that I can show them and explain it to them because when they think of cloth diapers, they think of what was available 30 or more years ago and like everything, things change over time.

Anyway, that's enough for today.  I need to get to work finishing up preparations for painting and I also need to pack for the beach.

Week 18- Nursery and Dancing Baby

We've been trying to get things around the house ready for baby lately, which means cleaning out closets, moving furniture, getting rid of some furniture, buying new furniture, and painting two bedrooms. We currently have our home office in one bedroom and a guest room/storage room in the other bedroom and we are going to be moving the office to the guest room and making what used to be the office the baby's room. I've gone through the closets in the bedrooms and I'm trying to get rid of things and downsize all of the stuff that has been stored in there.  In the process, I packed up all my skinny clothes which made me really sad.  I didn't get rid of them because I want to get back in them someday after baby but it was so sad to pack them all away.  I also found some pretty funny stuff as I was going through the closets like my old planners from high school, boxes of notes written from friends, and my old journals from middle school and high school.  Looking through all of that stuff made me glad that my life is no longer so dramatic! 

I ordered the bedding for the nursery last week from Pottery Barn Kids and was so excited to get it in the mail on Tuesday so I could start picking out paint colors for the bedroom.  Unfortunately, there was an error on their website and they have two different nursery sets listed for the same pattern and so they sent me the wrong combination of items.  The one I ordered included the crib bumber, crib sheet, and crib skirt.  The one I received included the quilt, the sheet, and the crib skirt.  I called their customer service and explained the situation and now they are sending me the bumper (which would've cost $99) for free with rush shipping, so it should arrive today.  I don't even have to send back the quilt (which also runs $99).  Wow! Thank you Pottery Barn for having fantastic customer service.  Here is the set I ordered:

Baby girl has been moving like crazy lately.  I first felt the little flutters a week or so ago, but yesterday I was able to put my hands on my tummy and feel her kicking away.  Michael hasn't been able to feel it yet though.  Every morning after breakfast I feel like she's dancing around in there.  She is really active in the morning. 

I had a doctor's appointment on Monday to finish up my blood work for my NT scan or quad screen (I'm not sure which it was for) but the nurse was really good and was able to draw my blood on the first try.  Usually it takes a couple pokes before they find a good vein. I go back this coming Wednesday to get my results and schedule my anatomy ultrasound. 

Weeks 16 and 17 - Gender time!!

Since my last post, we've been to Vancouver, Alaska, and back home to Florida.  We flew to Vancouver, spent the night there and then boarded our ship for our seven night northbound Alaskan cruise.  It was beautiful but very cold!  I'm a wimp when it comes to cold weather.  I ate way too much delicious food and took lots of naps (since my body didn't like the 4 hour time difference very much). It was nice to get away from the world for a while.  My favorite part of the trip was our helicopter tour which took us to a glacier that we hiked on for 2 hours.  Here is a picture of us on the glacier in our lovely glacier gear:

Today I had my gender determination ultrasound at Little Life Imaging.  I don't know why, but I still get so nervous everytime I go to the doctor or have an ultrasound. I'm terrified that I'm going to go and get bad news or that there will no longer be a baby in there.  My mom, Michael's mom, and Michael's sister came with me.  Michael wasn't able to go because of work stuff, but I thought it would be fun to do it with just the girls in the family anyway. 

The baby was moving all over the place and the sonographer had a hard time getting the baby to sit still long enough for her to see the goods to determine the gender.  Once she was finally able to get a good look, she said without any hesitation "It's a girl!".  She pointed out the three little dots to indicate a girl, but to me it just looked like three little dots.  Thankfully she does this every day so I'm sure she knows what she's looking for better than I do.  After that was finished she let us watch the little munchkin move all around, took some measurements, let us listen to the heartbeat (158 this time around), and did a 3D preview for us.  We got to see her hiccupping, making sucking movements with her mouth, and she was a fiesty little thing punching me (I don't think she liked when the lady pressed on my tummy with the wand).  According to the measurements today, she is measuring a little bigger so maybe she will come early and not be a December baby after all *fingers crossed for that!*.

Introducing Elizabeth Grace:

And here she is looking like a little alien baby (in 3D) with her hand covering her face:

15 weeks check up

Things have been (thankfully) very uneventful since my last doctor's appointment. The midwife had me come in a little earlier than usual since we will be on our cruise through Alaska when I should have my normal appointment.  At my visit today they went over my blood test and NT scan results from my last appointment.  Everything came back normal so far, but I still have one more blood test to finish up the NT test. I've only gained one pound since my last visit which the nurse was happy about and my blood pressure was perfect, as usual (hopefully it stays like that). The midwife checked the baby's heartrate on the doppler and it was nice and strong and the heartrate was 150.  She gave me copies of all my medical info to take with me on our trip and scheduled my next two appointments. 

Life has been pretty busy lately with the end of the school year and trying to get things ready for our big trip.  I need to start doing belly pictures to document the pregnancy, but just haven't gotten around to it yet even though I have a nice little bump going on now. Maybe I can get Michael to take one tonight. 

My next appointment is just to finish up my lab work for the NT test the first week of July.  I go back the second week of July for my normal monthly check up.  I'm dying to know the sex of the baby and I don't deal very well with waiting so I scheduled an appointment at an independent ultrasound place for when we return from our cruise.  Michael thinks it is a little silly and would rather that I just wait til my 20 week ultrasound appointment, but part of the reason that I want to do it is just so I know that things are fine with the baby once we return from our trip.  I want to be able to get the baby's room ready soon, so I need to know if we are having a boy or a girl. 

We leave tomorrow to fly to Vancouver and on Friday we board the ship for our Alaskan cruise.  I'm excited for our last big trip before our little one arrives!!

12 weeks appointment and ultrasound

After five weeks of anxiously waiting, the day of my 12 week ultrasound finally arrived!  I hadn't had any reason to make me concerned that something could be wrong, but I read something in one of my pregnancy books about this woman who went in for her 12 week ultrasound appointment only to be told that there was no heartbeat and that the baby had passed away around 8 weeks, only she hadn't had any symptoms of a miscarriage. So, I had that thought floating around my brain for weeks and was worried that I might experience the same thing.  I need to just stop reading books and googling things... it makes me worry about unnecessary things! The past few weeks had been very uneventful- no sickness, no extreme fatigue, no spotting.  I felt pretty great (which also made me worried). 

The morning of my appointment I starting spotting and immediately panicked! I thought "Oh great... I'm starting to have a miscarriage the day that I'm supposed to go to the doctor!" I didn't do anything to cause the spotting... I've been following the doctor's orders with no sex, no exercise, and to just take things easy.  But I guess if it had to happen, I'm glad it happened on a day that I was going to have an ultrasound anyway. 

I tried to take it easy throughout the day at work although that is a challenge when you teach kindergarten.  I tried to stay off my feet as much as possible but there really isn't much sitting down for me throughout the day. I told my students that I was leaving early to go to the doctor because the doctor needed to look at my blood.  So then my students went around telling people all day that I was going to the hospital to get poked with needles.  They make me laugh!

I left school an hour early to head to my doctor's appointment.  I got to the doctors office way earlier than I had expected, but the sonographer was able to take me right back when I got there to start my NT scan.  The relief I felt when I saw a little baby on the screen was beyond words.  The baby was moving all over the place and didn't want to cooperate by laying still so the sonographer could measure for the NT test. We got to watch the baby move and bounce around for a good 15 minutes.  It's crazy how it can move so much, yet I don't feel any of it yet.   I asked if she was able to determine the gender yet, so she checked for us.  She said that it's a little early to tell for sure, but that if she had to guess based on what she'd seen she would say it is a girl.  We got a new batch of pictures of the baby and then were done. 

I had to wait quite a while after my ultrasound to meet with my midwife.  I guess she had an issue and was running behind schedule.  I didn't really care.  I just wanted to ask her about the spotting and had some questions about our travel plans for the summer as to what I could and couldn't do. I finally got called back to meet with her.  She looked at my chart and said right away "Well you know what I think it is based off of your two heart rates don't you?" I said that I had no idea and she said that she thinks it's a girl as well.  She asked if I'd like to try to hear the baby's heartbeat and of course I said yes.  She told me to get out my cell phone so I could record it.  It was an incredible feeling to hear the baby's little heartbeat.

I asked her all my questions about our cruise to Alaska and she told me to make sure I get up and walk around every 30 minutes or so on our 8 hour flight to Vancouver. I was concerned about whether or not I would be able to do the helicopter tour and the seaplane tour (because I had read something online about how it is not safe for pregnant women to fly in unpressurized planes... again I know I need to stop looking up things on the internet).  She said that it wouldn't effect the pregnancy in any way because we won't be high enough for the pressure change.  I told her about the spotting and she wasn't concerned at all.  She said as long as I'm not bleeding a ton, I should be fine. 

She scheduled me to come back right before we leave for our trip to get my medical records to take with me.  I'm glad that I get to go back so soon.  I feel so relieved that everything is fine so far.  I'm also relieved that my spotting has stopped. Maybe it was just my anxiety about my appointment that caused it in the first place. 

Uneventful weeks 8, 9, and 10

I fortunately have nothing big to report about the past three weeks.  As crazy as it sounds, I wish I could say that I've been super sick and experiencing tons of symptoms, but that has not been the case.  I know that I should be happy that I'm not sick and I know that plenty of women don't get sick and delivery perfectly healthy babies, but I really feel like it would calm my nerves and help me know that things are going as they should if I was experiencing morning sickness.  My only symptoms are sore boobs, crazy sense of smell, waking up every night in the middle of the night to pee, and out of control emotions.  It's bad... I can't watch the Publix Mother's Day commercial without crying! The mom in the commercial is pregnant and talking to her daughter about how she used to talk to her in her belly when she was pregnant with her.  The little girl asks if the baby can hear her and the mom says "I think so". So then they debate what the little girl should tell the baby and she ends up going up to the mom's tummy and says "You're really going to love mommy." Oh my goodness, just thinking about it makes me tear up.

I've been struggling with doubt and knowing that this is real.  It's so hard to know that things are going the way they should be going when I don't feel a whole lot different than I do normally. I don't look pregnant yet and it is too early to feel the baby move inside me, so it is hard to know that it is really happening.  I'm past the point where I miscarried last time, but I wish I could have an unltrasound to know that everything is ok.  I'm anxiously awaiting my next appointment with the midwife on May 22nd.  I have my NT scan and blood tests and who knows what else, but I don't care as long as I get to see a healthy baby.  I so badly want to know that there is still a baby alive inside of me. 

I'm counting down the days until May 22 (as well as to the end of the school year... only 20 more days of school left until summer vacation!)

The little bean and a heartbeat!

Today was the day of my dating ultrasound and appointment with my midwife.  On the way to the doctor's office I felt like I might have a panic attack because I was so nervous that they'd get in there and there would be nothing... again.  I even dreamt last night that I went to my appointment with the midwife, but somehow forgot to go to my ultrasound appointment and was freaking out because I didn't get to see if there was a baby inside me! Crazy and ridiculous, I know.

My fears were put to ease as soon as the ultrasound tech said "Oh there's a little baby and a yolk sac". Phew... I could finally breathe.  She turned on the tv on the wall so she could show us everything she was seeing.  She pointed out the head, body, and a the fluttering of a heartbeat!  Another huge sigh of relief there.  She said that the baby had a strong heartbeat of 162 BPM and that the little bean was measuring on target, 1.3cm from crown to rump.  My estimated due date remains the same based on this dating ultrasound... December 3rd (but we'll just call it the first week in December).

Here are the pictures of the little bean- the first one is measuring the heartbeat and the second is just the bean.

I'm hoping I don't experience any bleeding from the doctors being in there poking around.  As of now, everything is fine.  The midwife told me to call if I had any problems over the next few days.

I go back May 22 for my NT scan and blood work.  I will be 12 weeks and 2 days at that point so I can't wait to see how the little bean has changed at the next appointment. I'm praying that the next 4 weeks are pretty uneventful.

Week 6

I prayed for symptoms thinking that would mean morning sickness, but instead got a few different things. I am by no means complaining because I am thankful for these symptoms.  They let me know things are going as they should be.

This week I have felt completely exhausted.  I have to wake up 2 or 3 times during the night to use the bathroom, which is not really helping with the exhaustion.  I wake up still feeling tired.  Work is a struggle because when you have 16 little kindergarteners depending on you, you have to be "on" all day.  There is no explaining, "Hey guys I'm really tired today so we're just going to take it easy".  That simply doesn't work with a bunch of 5 and 6 year olds.  I feel like my students have been extra crazy this week and so I feel both physically and mentally worn out.  Then of course on the only day of the week I get to sleep in past 5:45a.m., my body wakes me up at 6a.m.  Thank you internal alarm clock.

My boobs are sore now, to the point where someone hugged me yesterday and it was painful.  Last time around my boobs were sore right away, before I even found out I was pregnant. It lasted for about two weeks and then subsided. This time it took a little longer for that to arrive.  But it doesn't seem to be going away like it did last time.  I guess that is a good sign. 

I don't think I've experienced full blown morning sickness yet, atleast not like I did the one day I had morning sickness during the last pregnancy.  My one day of morning sickness last time consisted of feeling clammy and like I wanted to throw up.  I haven't had any days like that yet, but I have felt kind of nauseous if I don't eat and then after I eat my stomach hurts.  I also feel kind of sick if I see food after I'm full.  Raw meat also has been grossing me out lately as well.  We went grocery shopping and walking down the meat aisle made me feel pretty yucky.

A symptom I was not expecting (and I had never really heard of it happening during pregnancy) was my all of the sudden greasy hair.  I'm using the same hair products that I've always used and haven't made any changes to my hair care routine.  Yet, my hair is so greasy. I've never been the kind of person who washes my hair everyday, because I have a lot of hair and it takes a long time, and because the natural oils are good to keep your hair healthy. But now after one day of normal hair, my hair is like dripping with oil.  Gross! I guess it's all those hormones messing with me. 

I've been wanting fruit all the time.  I'm not a person who normally eats a lot of fruit, but lately I can not get my fill of strawberries, apples, and pineapple.  Last week all I wanted to eat was sweet potatoes.  I got my fill of those during our Easter dinners.  Other than that I haven't really wanted to eat much of anything.  I am eating, but just don't really want anything specific.  Michael will ask "what do you want for dinner?" and I can't think of what I want. This is not normally a problem for me!

That's what has been going on with me lately.  My appointment with the midwife is this Thursday... it's finally here!! I can't wait to find out how my ultrasound goes and talk to my midwife about everything that has been going on. 

Do not be anxious...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6,7

I've seen this verse in random places numerous times over the past few days.  It was in a book I'm reading, it was in my devotional this morning, it has been popping up in my mind constantly.  Apparently, God is telling me to not worry but instead come to Him. 

I'm trying my best not to worry or be anxious, but I can't say I'm doing a great job at that. It is hard not to worry when so many things are still unknown.  I've been praying for the peace that surpasses all understanding but don't feel like I'm quite there yet.  I've been taking my requests to Him- praying that there are no chromosomal abnormalities, no complications or reasons for another miscarriage, that He would create in me a healthy little baby, that I would experience the normal pregnancy symptoms to help me know it is real, and that I would be able to carry this baby to full term.  I know that others are praying for me as well, which is comforting.

I'm hoping that my anxiety and fears are lessened after my ultrasound and appointment on the 19th.  However, I feel like that is years away from today.  Ok... so it is really just 2 weeks from tomorrow, but I just so badly want to know that everything is going as it should.  I'm terrified that I'm going to have the same issue as before, when I went in for my dating ultrasound and there was nothing in there to measure or date!

It is still pretty early for the onset of tons of pregnancy symptoms, but I do have to pee about every 5 seconds (although I'm terrified everytime I go to the bathroom that I'm going to see blood) and I'm pretty much exhausted most of the time. Crazy as it is, I'm hoping more symptoms appear in the next few weeks.

Well, that's it for today. Not much to post about since there have been no major changes.  Hopefully it stays that way for a while :)

Confirmed

I went to the doctor's office today to confirm what I already knew from the numerous at home tests I did myself, but you have to hear it from a doctor to believe it I guess. So the first thing the nurse says to me when she walks me back is "Did you ever have your follow up blood work back in January?"  I told her that yes, I had my blood work done and had been cleared to try again from my midwife.  She's the nurse... shouldn't she know that already? So already I'm a little frustrated on top of my nervousness about being back in the doctors office. Then I do the whole pee in the cup drill.  The nurse does the pregnancy test and comes in to tell me that it is positive but faint (maybe if she had waited longer than one minute it wouldn't have been faint) but she said that was fine since I'm so early.  Side note- since the nurse freaked me out by saying that it was "faint", I rushed out to buy another pregnancy test as soon as I left the doctor's office.  My results weren't faint at all, clearly two bright pink lines, although I guess there could be a difference in the test sensitivities.  You would think the doctor's office test would be better/more accurate than an at home test though.

 I didn't see my midwife today, because when I scheduled my appointment I just told them to get me in with whoever could see me.  The doctor I had today was really nice and if my midwife is ever unavailable I will definitely be seeing this doctor again.  The doctor did her exam and said that everything felt normal.  She chatted with me for a few minutes about being pregnant after a miscarriage- said that my chances of having a healthy pregnancy are good, talked about how I was feeling, and told me that I'm pretty much on pelvic rest for the next 8 weeks (which basically means no sex, no heavy lifting, no strenuous activities).  She told me to just take things easy the next few weeks until we get through the first trimester.

The last time I went through this doctors appointment (confirming the first pregnancy), I was asked about 100 questions about everything under the sun. This was at my previous OB/Gyn office before I switched to the midwife's practice.  This time around, no one asked any questions.  They also didn't do any blood work either, but I guess maybe they will do that at my next appointment. She gave me a prescription for a prenatal vitamin, although I've been taking a prenatal vitamin since July.  I guess I'll use the one she gave me even though it costs a fortune! I'll ask the next time I'm in what the difference is between what I've been taking and this new one that costs roughly $1 per pill. 

I know that this is silly and I will probably regret this when it happens, but I've been praying that God would give me every pregnancy symptom possible so that I know it is for real this time. Last time around I only had one little bout with morning sickness and that was it. 

Please pray that everything goes as it is supposed to with this pregnancy, that I am able to carry this baby to full term, and that we would be able to have a healthy baby as an end result of this pregnancy.  Please also pray that these next 8 weeks go by quickly for me and Michael. I so badly want to be out of the first trimester and past the point where I had my miscarriage last time.

  I'm scheduled to go back in on April 19th for my dating ultrasound (ugh... this was the one that I went in for last time only to find out that there was nothing in there... let's pray that doesn't happen again!) and a follow up appointment with my midwife.

Here we go again...

Everything got back to normal with my body in January and so we began trying again. Two months came and went with numerous negative pregnancy tests.  I was frustrated (even though I know it was just a short time) and decided to stop trying for a while so I could get back to my goal weight, after putting on a few pounds from dealing with our previous loss.

So I started the weight loss program again and lost 11 pounds which made me happy because I felt like at least I could be in control of something since I obviously couldn't control getting pregnant. I told Michael and a few other people "Just watch... now that I'm back on the diet and not trying to get pregnant, it will happen". 

Sure enough. Three weeks into my diet I decided to take a pregnancy test, fully expecting it to be another big fat negative since we had hardly been trying, waited the required 3 minutes and read the results. I checked it anticipating another "not pregnant" reading on my digitial test, but instead saw "pregnant". What?! Seriously? I had come to terms with not trying, convincing myself that we are still young and have plenty of time. I didn't want to get excited or get my hopes up since that worked out so well last time. I felt frustrated that I still had weight to lose and now can no longer do the diet program. I felt worried because of the medication I had been on. I still had 3 days before I was supposed to get my period, so I thought maybe it was a fluke.

I did some research on the internet about false positives with digital tests and found that a good number of people had experienced a false positive using a certain brand of test. So now I had convinced myself that it could be a false positive and I better try a different brand. Yes, I know that I am completely ridiculous and yes, I know that numerous positive tests being false is pretty much unheard of, but I just had to test again. I had one digital test left over from last month which was a different brand than the first one I used, so I tried that one.  Again a "pregnant" result.  Ok, well that one was digital so maybe I should try just the old fashion, non-digital, two lines equals you're pregnant type of test. I went to the store and got one and used it as soon as I got home. Yep, clear as could be, two pink lines.  Not like last time when it was a faint second line that sent me googling for answers.  This time it was right away- two perfectly clear pink lines.

So 3 digital tests and one old fashion test later, I've realized that I must really be pregnant. Still it is hard to get excited because I'm not sure if it will end in another miscarriage (praying that it doesn't) but I feel like it's real this time. The weird part is that I haven't had many of the tell-tale early pregnancy symptoms, many of which I did experience last time.  My boobs aren't sore, I don't feel sick, no real hunger/cravings, I haven't been extremely tired, haven't had to pee every five seconds. The only clues were my sense of smell being out of control, being a little emotional, and a few headaches... all things I experience before that time of the month normally. An example of my superhuman nose- I was outside playing frisbee with Cooper, our dog, and I could tell that someone in the neighborhood was making chocolate chip cookies.  It wasn't like it was just a faint smell... it was like I was cooking them in my kitchen and I was standing over the oven smelling them. That and laundry- if any of our neighbors are doing laundry when I walk the dog I could tell you what brand of laundry soap they are using.

I go to the doctor on Thursday to confirm the pregnancy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this time it is for real because I'm not sure how I would deal with another loss.  I wish there was some way I could fast forward my life 12-14 weeks so that I'd know everything is going to be ok this time around.

It's almost comical sometimes the way that God works. We tried on our own for a while, timing things just right, following all the rules with no success. Then as soon as we stop trying to do it on our own, God comes in and reminds us "Hey I am in control here, not you guys... so we are going to do things My way". Funny how that happens. I'm constantly reminding myself that God is in control, not me. He can handle this way better than I ever could, so I should just let him take care of the situation.

Getting back to normal

I went in for another blood test on Monday, Jan. 16th to check my hcg levels again.  The midwife told me that if I waited about 10 days before coming in for my second blood test that my levels should be back to zero.  She was right. The nurse called the very next day to tell me that everything was back to zero and I was cleared to try again.  Today I got my period and have never been more excited to get it.  Usually it is dreaded, but I was glad this time because it means that everything is back to normal and we can try again.  


I have been very stressed out the past few weeks with the uncertainty of when things would get back to normal. I've also been stressed out about the 15 pounds I gained while eating like a normal person (and let's be honest... a lot of emotional eating after the miscarriage).  I started a low carb diet plan regulated by a physician last April and lost 52 pounds.  At my lowest, I weighed 20 pounds less than I did in high school and was in the best shape I've ever been in.  Then I found out I was pregnant and needed to have a more balanced diet so I started to eat things I hadn't eaten in months. Along with that came a few extra pounds. 


 After the miscarriage I had been debating whether or not I should go back to the low carb diet to try to lose the extra pounds or just try to eat healthier and exercise more.  Since I had heard that many people get pregnant again after a miscarriage without ever having a period, I figured it would probably be best to just go the eating healthy/exercise more route until I knew for sure that I wasn't pregnant again.  That didn't really work and I was frustrated.  I decided I would go back to what I knew would work which was the plan I did to lose the 52 pounds.  I don't think I'll make it back to my goal weight because my body just has a hard time maintaining it, but I would like to lose at least the 15 I gained.  I started week one of the program again this Monday and this is the most intense week of the program.  It is definitely working though... I'm already down 4 pounds. I think I will continue to stay on the plan and keep my current exercise schedule until I find out I'm pregnant again.  If nothing else, it makes me feel better about myself and feel like I have control over something! 


It is nice to feel like things are finally getting back to normal :) 

Answers and clarity

I spoke with my midwife on Friday, (which by the way, I am so glad I chose a midwife because whenever something happens she is the person who calls me not a secretary or a nurse like normally happens with the doctors office) and she gave me some info about my miscarriage situation.


She told me that my blood test results had come back from the lab and my hcg level was 23.  She also told me that they found my information from the hospital (I'm not sure why they couldn't find it to begin with, but I'm just glad they were able to locate it after all).  She said that she saw all the information from my visit on Christmas- the pictures from the ultrasound, information about a recorded a fetal heart rate of 144 and then again of 166, and also the crown to rump measurements.  The midwife told me that she met with all the doctors in her practice and asked them if they had seen this happen during their many years of practicing medicine, where an ultrasound detects a heartbeat and then go on to miscarry.  One of the pregnancy books I was reading stated that for a healthy women under age 30 the chances of miscarriage are only 12%, the chances drop to 8% once the sac has been seen, and only a 3% chance of miscarriage after a heartbeat has been detected.  The other doctors told her that they had only seen this happen two other times before.  She told me to come back into the office next week so they can measure my hcg levels again because she wants my level to be at 0 before we start trying again. 


So here is what I've learned from all of this:


1. Miscarriage is way more common than you'd think.  So many people shared their miscarriage experiences with me after hearing about my miscarriage.  Maybe if people were more open to talking about it, people wouldn't feel like they were going through it alone.  I know that many people wait until they are through their first trimester to tell people that they are pregnant so that if they do have a miscarriage they don't have to talk about it.  I am not one of those people and I in no way regret telling people that I was pregnant.  I am thankful for the people around me who knew the situation I was going through and were able to help me through it.  People are meant to do life together and I can't imagine having to deal with my situation in secret, trying to hide it from others. 


2. God allowed this to happen to me because he knew I would be able to handle it.  Many people would be devastated in my situation and that's not to say that we weren't sad or upset that this happened but I understand that this happened for a reason.  Part of the reason, I believe, was to build my character.  It's easy to believe and trust God when everything is good but it is more difficult to believe and trust God when things don't turn out the way you thought they should.  It would be easy to get mad at God for letting this happen, but instead I will trust that He must have something better planned for me. While doing a devotion the other night I was reminded of this verse:
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that our suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us.  Romans 5:2-5


3. Lastly, I've learned that most people are super fertile after having a miscarriage.  Let's hope that I'm one of those type of people.  Once my blood test clear me of the hormones, I hope to get pregnant as soon as possible.


Although I may not have the answer to exactly why I had to experience this, I do have some greater clarity about this situation now which is comforting.

Things didn't go well...

Well... I went in for my dating ultrasound today and there was absolutely nothing in there.  Apparently I had a miscarriage during the time I was bleeding (when the doctors told me that everything was ok). 


So I go into the room for the ultrasound and the tech says I'm going to look around for a bit and then I'll turn the tv on so you can see it on the big screen. Then she starts the ultrasound and asks "What did they see when you had your ultrasound at Winnie?"  I told her that we saw the baby and a heart beat.  I told her that the doctor told me I was measuring small, he said I was probably 6 weeks and 4 days along rather than almost 8 weeks like I believed to be based off my last period.  She didn't say anything else the whole time.  So I'm sitting there thinking, Ok something must not be right because she is awfully quiet and she's not showing us anything.  Then she told me "Get dressed and we are going to have you talk with your midwife".  Now my mind is racing because no one will tell me anything and then I'm put in a room to wait... and wait... and wait... what seemed like forever but was probably only 20 minutes or so.  My midwife finally comes in and breaks the news to us that the ultrasounds show that I've had a complete miscarriage.  She said she was pretty baffled as to how this could happen when we just saw a heartbeat a week or so back.  She tried to get my ultrasound records from the hospital but they were unable to find them.  Side note- What the heck!! How does a hospital not have my records?!  Anyway, I did a urine test that came back negative so the midwife wanted me to have a blood test to see my hcg levels.  I'm supposed to call tomorrow at 11am to get the results from that.


I guess I should've trusted my instincts.  I feel like I knew this was coming and had been preparing myself for it.  When I first took the pregnancy test, I didn't believe it was real.  I took like 20 more but still didn't believe it.  I only had one day of morning sickness and wasn't really experiencing any of the typical pregnancy symptoms (but they say that every pregnancy is different so I didn't think much about it).  When the bleeding started, I feared the worst but I didn't have the symptoms that they say to look for.  My midwife said that as long as I wasn't gushing a ton of blood or running a fever, I shouldn't really be too worried.  At the hospital, the doctor saw the baby and a heartbeat and told me that unless I had a fever or was bleeding through more than one pad an hour that I didn't need to come back.  The only day I had any pain was the day I went to the hospital and had an ultrasound.  One of the pregnancy books that I've been reading since day 1 talked alot about miscarriage and the two authors' experiences with miscarriage but I remember thinking to myself, "Gosh why is all this miscarriage stuff in here... I don't need this stuff."  Then just last night someone sent me a link to someones blog who talked about how she went in for an ultrasound and the baby didn't have a heartbeat, but how she was able to trust God in the situation anyway.  Now I'm in a similar situation just 1 day later.  I feel like maybe God put all that stuff in my path for a reason, to prepare me for all of this.


I feel like I am handling it fairly well.  Of course I was sad and cried when I was told the news.  I thought for sure that if I was having a miscarriage I would've been in a lot of pain and know that it was happening.  I guess that's not always true.  I broke down after I left the doctors office but pulled myself together before returning to work for the rest of the day.  At work, people who knew about the pregnancy (and after I told them the bad news), asked my why I would come back to work after that happened.  I figured I can either sit at home and wallow in self pity, or I can deal with it, be thankful that it happened early and not when the baby was further along, be thankful that it was complete and that I didn't have to have a D&C, and trust that God has a reason for everything and go on with my life.  I chose the second option.  Being sad and upset won't make things any different and I know that there is nothing I could've done to change the situation.  I know that it is all in God's hands and I'm trusting Him fully in this situation even if I don't understand why this had to happen. 


I'm praying that God will continue to give me clarity in the situation and that we will get pregnant again soon... hopefully with better results next time. 

Thankful

Today I am feeling thankful, which is a good way to start the year if you ask me. 


I am thankful that my bleeding finally stopped.  I am very thankful that I had two weeks of no work for Christmas vacation.  I am thankful that all of this bleeding junk happened while I was on vacation from work.  I am thankful that I've only had one day of morning sickness which also took place during my vacation because I'm not sure how I could've handled waves of nausea with a classroom full of kindergarteners.  I'm thankful that I was able to get back in the gym today.  When all that bleeding was going on the doctors told me that I was supposed to take it easy for 2 weeks.  It has been 10 days rather than 2 weeks, but I feel fine and am no longer bleeding so I couldn't just sit around any longer.  Working out makes me feel so much better and have more energy and I feel great after tonight's workout.  I am thankful for my wonderful in-laws who do so much for us.  I am thankful for my sweet husband who did so much work around the house the past few days. 


Last but not least, I am thankful for a new year that will hold many new adventures and hopefully a sweet baby as well.  I have an ultrasound on Thursday morning and assuming everything is normal (which we are praying for) then we will make the announcement to the rest of our friends and family (and the facebook world as well).  Thursday can not get here soon enough :)