Answers and clarity

I spoke with my midwife on Friday, (which by the way, I am so glad I chose a midwife because whenever something happens she is the person who calls me not a secretary or a nurse like normally happens with the doctors office) and she gave me some info about my miscarriage situation.


She told me that my blood test results had come back from the lab and my hcg level was 23.  She also told me that they found my information from the hospital (I'm not sure why they couldn't find it to begin with, but I'm just glad they were able to locate it after all).  She said that she saw all the information from my visit on Christmas- the pictures from the ultrasound, information about a recorded a fetal heart rate of 144 and then again of 166, and also the crown to rump measurements.  The midwife told me that she met with all the doctors in her practice and asked them if they had seen this happen during their many years of practicing medicine, where an ultrasound detects a heartbeat and then go on to miscarry.  One of the pregnancy books I was reading stated that for a healthy women under age 30 the chances of miscarriage are only 12%, the chances drop to 8% once the sac has been seen, and only a 3% chance of miscarriage after a heartbeat has been detected.  The other doctors told her that they had only seen this happen two other times before.  She told me to come back into the office next week so they can measure my hcg levels again because she wants my level to be at 0 before we start trying again. 


So here is what I've learned from all of this:


1. Miscarriage is way more common than you'd think.  So many people shared their miscarriage experiences with me after hearing about my miscarriage.  Maybe if people were more open to talking about it, people wouldn't feel like they were going through it alone.  I know that many people wait until they are through their first trimester to tell people that they are pregnant so that if they do have a miscarriage they don't have to talk about it.  I am not one of those people and I in no way regret telling people that I was pregnant.  I am thankful for the people around me who knew the situation I was going through and were able to help me through it.  People are meant to do life together and I can't imagine having to deal with my situation in secret, trying to hide it from others. 


2. God allowed this to happen to me because he knew I would be able to handle it.  Many people would be devastated in my situation and that's not to say that we weren't sad or upset that this happened but I understand that this happened for a reason.  Part of the reason, I believe, was to build my character.  It's easy to believe and trust God when everything is good but it is more difficult to believe and trust God when things don't turn out the way you thought they should.  It would be easy to get mad at God for letting this happen, but instead I will trust that He must have something better planned for me. While doing a devotion the other night I was reminded of this verse:
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that our suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us.  Romans 5:2-5


3. Lastly, I've learned that most people are super fertile after having a miscarriage.  Let's hope that I'm one of those type of people.  Once my blood test clear me of the hormones, I hope to get pregnant as soon as possible.


Although I may not have the answer to exactly why I had to experience this, I do have some greater clarity about this situation now which is comforting.