12 weeks appointment and ultrasound

After five weeks of anxiously waiting, the day of my 12 week ultrasound finally arrived!  I hadn't had any reason to make me concerned that something could be wrong, but I read something in one of my pregnancy books about this woman who went in for her 12 week ultrasound appointment only to be told that there was no heartbeat and that the baby had passed away around 8 weeks, only she hadn't had any symptoms of a miscarriage. So, I had that thought floating around my brain for weeks and was worried that I might experience the same thing.  I need to just stop reading books and googling things... it makes me worry about unnecessary things! The past few weeks had been very uneventful- no sickness, no extreme fatigue, no spotting.  I felt pretty great (which also made me worried). 

The morning of my appointment I starting spotting and immediately panicked! I thought "Oh great... I'm starting to have a miscarriage the day that I'm supposed to go to the doctor!" I didn't do anything to cause the spotting... I've been following the doctor's orders with no sex, no exercise, and to just take things easy.  But I guess if it had to happen, I'm glad it happened on a day that I was going to have an ultrasound anyway. 

I tried to take it easy throughout the day at work although that is a challenge when you teach kindergarten.  I tried to stay off my feet as much as possible but there really isn't much sitting down for me throughout the day. I told my students that I was leaving early to go to the doctor because the doctor needed to look at my blood.  So then my students went around telling people all day that I was going to the hospital to get poked with needles.  They make me laugh!

I left school an hour early to head to my doctor's appointment.  I got to the doctors office way earlier than I had expected, but the sonographer was able to take me right back when I got there to start my NT scan.  The relief I felt when I saw a little baby on the screen was beyond words.  The baby was moving all over the place and didn't want to cooperate by laying still so the sonographer could measure for the NT test. We got to watch the baby move and bounce around for a good 15 minutes.  It's crazy how it can move so much, yet I don't feel any of it yet.   I asked if she was able to determine the gender yet, so she checked for us.  She said that it's a little early to tell for sure, but that if she had to guess based on what she'd seen she would say it is a girl.  We got a new batch of pictures of the baby and then were done. 

I had to wait quite a while after my ultrasound to meet with my midwife.  I guess she had an issue and was running behind schedule.  I didn't really care.  I just wanted to ask her about the spotting and had some questions about our travel plans for the summer as to what I could and couldn't do. I finally got called back to meet with her.  She looked at my chart and said right away "Well you know what I think it is based off of your two heart rates don't you?" I said that I had no idea and she said that she thinks it's a girl as well.  She asked if I'd like to try to hear the baby's heartbeat and of course I said yes.  She told me to get out my cell phone so I could record it.  It was an incredible feeling to hear the baby's little heartbeat.

I asked her all my questions about our cruise to Alaska and she told me to make sure I get up and walk around every 30 minutes or so on our 8 hour flight to Vancouver. I was concerned about whether or not I would be able to do the helicopter tour and the seaplane tour (because I had read something online about how it is not safe for pregnant women to fly in unpressurized planes... again I know I need to stop looking up things on the internet).  She said that it wouldn't effect the pregnancy in any way because we won't be high enough for the pressure change.  I told her about the spotting and she wasn't concerned at all.  She said as long as I'm not bleeding a ton, I should be fine. 

She scheduled me to come back right before we leave for our trip to get my medical records to take with me.  I'm glad that I get to go back so soon.  I feel so relieved that everything is fine so far.  I'm also relieved that my spotting has stopped. Maybe it was just my anxiety about my appointment that caused it in the first place. 

Uneventful weeks 8, 9, and 10

I fortunately have nothing big to report about the past three weeks.  As crazy as it sounds, I wish I could say that I've been super sick and experiencing tons of symptoms, but that has not been the case.  I know that I should be happy that I'm not sick and I know that plenty of women don't get sick and delivery perfectly healthy babies, but I really feel like it would calm my nerves and help me know that things are going as they should if I was experiencing morning sickness.  My only symptoms are sore boobs, crazy sense of smell, waking up every night in the middle of the night to pee, and out of control emotions.  It's bad... I can't watch the Publix Mother's Day commercial without crying! The mom in the commercial is pregnant and talking to her daughter about how she used to talk to her in her belly when she was pregnant with her.  The little girl asks if the baby can hear her and the mom says "I think so". So then they debate what the little girl should tell the baby and she ends up going up to the mom's tummy and says "You're really going to love mommy." Oh my goodness, just thinking about it makes me tear up.

I've been struggling with doubt and knowing that this is real.  It's so hard to know that things are going the way they should be going when I don't feel a whole lot different than I do normally. I don't look pregnant yet and it is too early to feel the baby move inside me, so it is hard to know that it is really happening.  I'm past the point where I miscarried last time, but I wish I could have an unltrasound to know that everything is ok.  I'm anxiously awaiting my next appointment with the midwife on May 22nd.  I have my NT scan and blood tests and who knows what else, but I don't care as long as I get to see a healthy baby.  I so badly want to know that there is still a baby alive inside of me. 

I'm counting down the days until May 22 (as well as to the end of the school year... only 20 more days of school left until summer vacation!)